#WeGotUs: Why I stan for Black Women
This post first appeared on jazifresh.com
Sometimes I wonder how we're still here at all.Black women, I mean. I wonder what the world desires more: us present and our treasures mineable or to have us completely gone. We constantly teeter on the knife's edge of those fates. Here and exploited. Dead and tossed away. A constant torture.I deleted most of my social media apps a few weeks ago. I'm hurt and disappointed. But I'm alive. Another one of our sisters is not. Korryn Gaines. A mother. A sister. A daughter. A friend. We lost her. And now watch the world defend her death at the hands of the state. Our fathers. Our brothers. Ours sons. Our lovers. The sting of betrayal, although not a new feeling, is paralyzing. I've tried talking and reasoning that all of us to recognize the humanity of Korryn. I don't even have tears left for what I feel when I think of her.It's not my first time watching the world turn away but tolerance has become harder to find. We live in a constant state of grief. Floating from one tragedy to the next. Never enough time to process the last. The next tragedy always imminent. It is hard to live. It's hard to feel anything except helplessness when staring at a world that hates you.And yet I am still, against all hope, searching for joy.Here's what I grateful for as I try to sift through my feelings:
My circle. For reminding me it's okay to hurt. For crying with me. For being bold in the face of suffering and reminding me to care for myself.
Reconnecting with old girlfriends. I'm far away but it feels like I've come home.
For books. And a new book club (and the beautiful sisters I'll share and heal with as we fellowship).
My intuition. I willfully ignore it in the worst moments. The past few weeks have been a reminder that it's rarely misguided and that turning away has never served me.
Wine.
Dancing.
Truth…wherever it can be found.
PEACE OF MIND (my gawd)
W-I-N-E
Tight hugs
I can't say enough about the women who pack my parachute every day. Brave women who beat down impassable paths. I try not to take you and your sacrifices for granted. Free women who help me to see myself and the paths ahead more clearly as I grow and evolve. Who cry with me. Stay up until 1AM singing with me. Send me funny videos when we're all sad and grieving. Call me on my shit. Remind me of my own greatness. I have never been short on sisters to stand watch in my toughest hours. I have never been abandoned or lonely. The whole world can turn its back on us and I know we'll still be standing together. Ready to face it all. My sisters are always there. We got us. We always got us.